Lazy Boy - Underwear Goes Inside The Pant Lyrics
Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal? It's a naturalplant that grows in the dirt. You know what's not natural? Eighty yearold dudes with hard ons. That's not natural, but we've got pills for that.We're dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guyserect but we're putting people in jail for smoking something that growsin the dirt?You know, we have more prescription drugs now than ever. Everycommercial on TV is a prescription drug ad. I can't watch TV for fourminutes without thinking i have five serious diseases. Like, "Do youever wake up tired in the mornings?" Oh my god, I have this, writethis down! Whatever this is, I have this! Half the time you don't evenknow what the commercial is, there's people running through fields,or flying kites, or swimming in the ocean. Like, that is the greatestdisease ever! How do you get that? That disease comes with a hotchick and a puppy!The schools now, it's all about self-esteem in the schools. Build thekids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves. Ifeverybody grows up with high self esteem, who's gonna dance in ourstrip clubs? What's gonna happen to our porno industry? These womendon't just grow on trees, it takes lots of drunk daddies missing a lot ofdance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fiftybucks. And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Fridaywith my new high speed connection?Sing sing sing... Sing your song... Sing for me... (Come on now, sing)Sing sing sing... Sing your song... Sing for me... (Sing sing sing...)Mastermind's not a word that comes up all the time, you keep hearingabout these, ah, these terrorist masterminds that are being killed overin the middle-east. Terrorist masterminds! Mastermind is sort of a loftyway to describe what these guys do, don't you think? They're notmasterminds! "Okay you take bomb, right? And you put in backpack,then you get on the bus and you blow yourself up." "Why do I haveto... blow myself up? Why don't I put, uh --" "Who's the *****ingmastermind here, me or you?!"Americans, let's face it, we've been a spoiled country for a long time,you know what the number one health risk in america is? Obesity!Obesity! They say we're in the middle of an obesity epidemic. Anepidemic! Like it's Polio! Like, we'll be talking to our grandchildrenabout it one day, the great obesity epidemic of 2004. "How'd you getthrough it, grandpa?" "Oh, it was horrible, Johnny, there wascheesecake and pork chops everywhere."Nobody knows why we're getting fatter, look at our lifestyles. I'll sit ata drive-thru, I'll sit there for, I'll sit there behind fifteen other carsinstead of getting up and making an eight foot walk to the totallyempty counter. Everything's mega-mealed, super-sized, "Wantbiggie fries with that, want a jumbo-fry, wanna go large, want abiggie fry, wanna have thirty burgers for a nickel, you fatmother*****er? There's room in the bag, take it! Want a fifty-fivegallon drum of coke with that? It's only three more cents!"Sing sing sing... Sing your song... Sing for me... (Come on now, sing)Sing sing sing... Sing your song... Sing for me... (Sing sing sing...)Sometimes you've gotta suffer a little in your youth to motivate you tosucceed later in life. You think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, doyou think there'd be a Microsoft? Of course not! You've got to spend along time stuffed in your own locker with your underwear wedged upyour ass before you start thinking: "I'm gonna take over the world ofcomputers, you'll see! I'll show them!"We're in one of the richest countries in the world and the minimumwage is lower now than it was thirty-five years ago. There arehomeless people everywhere, this homeless guy asked me for money,the other day, I was about to give it to him, and I thought: he's justgonna use it on drugs or alcohol. And then I thought: That's what I'mgonna use it on! Why am I judging this poor bastard? People love tojudge homeless guys. Like, you give him the money and he's justgonna waste it, he's gonna waste the money. Well he lives in a box!What do you want him to do with it, save it up and buy a wall unit?Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a cd rack? He'shomeless! I walked behind this guy the other day, a homeless guyasked him for money, he looks right at the homeless guy, he goes:"Why don't you go out and get a job, you bum?"People always say that to homeless guys, get a job. Like it's alwaysthat easy. This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside hispants. I'm guessing his resume ain't all up to date. I'm predictingsome problems during the interview process. I'm pretty sureMcDonalds has an 'Underwear Goes Inside The Pants' policy Not thatthey enforce it very strictly, but technically, i'm sure it's on the books.Sing sing sing... Sing your song... Sing for me... (Come on now, sing)Baby, Sing sing sing... Sing your song... Sing for me... (Sing sing sing...)
