Stephen Lynch - Down To The Old Pub Instead Lyrics
Lad, it's your duty to find ye a lassWith child-bearing hips and a pink, supple assAnd make her your wife and love her with love so trueNow some rivers run high, some rivers run lowWhen her river runs red, then she's starting her flowAnd it's called menstr'ation, and here's what it means to youYou will notice her bloomers are spotty at firstStand back her ovarian dam's gonna burstSon, don't be afraid, it's a natural t'ingJust wad up some cotton and hand her some stringPut the old linens on top of the bedGet out of the house and go down to the old pub insteadShe'll retain her water, her breasts will be tenderAnd every third word that you say will offend herGet out of the house and go down to the old pub insteadAnd she'll want to make love if you do, you're a fool'Cause you'll only end up with a bloody O'TooleGet out of the house down to the old pub insteadAnd she'll want you to sample the fruit of her loinsBut son, it'll taste like some old rusty coinsSo turn off the light, boy, and take off your hatAnd drop to your knees, say a prayer to Saint PatThen he'll give you the strength to get out of the bedAnd for Ireland's sake, go down to the old pub insteadNow the pub is the place where the lads are a-meetin'When the moon's full and the gals are a-bleedin'The Catholic, the Protestant, even the paganThe pub is the place when your lady is raggin'So drink of your pint, boys, and thank your shamrocksThat as menfolk we don't have to bleed from our *****sAnd that we can escape from the lady in redAnd get out of the house and go down to the old pub instead
