La Dispute - I See Everything Lyrics
Like any morning of my junior year I stumble in the classroom late but thisDay I see
Faces, I feel an air like a funeral, like a wake, as I sitDown.
My teacher speaking, somewhat somberly, but still confidentAnd calm.
Part eulogy, her speech, and part poem, part celebrationSong.
Her warmth and smile, she passes photocopies out to us ofEntries from a journal
Kept so long ago. She starts to read andSuddenly it's 1980.March 5—The cancer is furious but our son is resilient, we have all theFaith we'll get through this no matter what the end. Treatments are violentBut he keeps on smiling. It's amazing finding joy in the little things.April 12—Andrew's appetites improved and we thank God everyday. But stillIt's hard sometimes to see him in that scarecrow frame.July 9—There's a suffering when I look in his eyes. He's been through soMuch. We've all been through so much but what incredible resolve our littleBoy shows, only 7, standing face to face with death. He said it's easy toFind people who have suffered worse than him. "Like Jesus, suffered worseThan anyone," he told me last night, "when God abandoned him."September 20—We've been playing in the yard lately and spirits are highAlthough his blood counts aren't.October 14—He feels tired all the time.November 30—At the hospital again. It feels like home when we're here.December 8—He's getting worse.January 19—We buried our son today, our youngest child, and while his deathWas ugly we must not let it scare us from God. Abundant grace has restoredHim. A brand new body. And set him free from the torture, finally rid ofThe cancer. Before the moment he left he briefly wrested from death, Suddenly opened his eyes, said,
"I SEE EVERYTHING. I SEEEVERYTHING."And I will never forget it, the peace and the comfort you displayed throughA pain that I can only imagine. The loss of a child to the torture ofCancer. Help me. Because I can only imagine how you recovered, kept yourFaith and held the brightness of life inside the smile of a child you hadTo bury. And I will never forget him or your steadfast faith. No, I willNever forget you. Now six or seven years later, I'm devoid of all faith. I am empty of comfort and I am weary of waiting. Though I've felt nowhereWhat you have, I see nothing at all. Though I've felt nowhere what he did, My eyes are closed.
